Sunday, June 14, 2009


Friday was meant to be a special day, a day of happiness, merriment, and good times with my sister and mom.

I should've known it'd be a disaster at the start.

See, we were going to the zoo. See some animals up close, enjoy the day, and spend some time with my mom and sister.

I ended up getting up for the day at 7:30 AM. I normally get up at around noon. In other word, I'm already equivalent to the waking dead.

Just kinda lacking on the hunger for flesh. I do have one funky zombie gait, though.

Anyways, we eventually left. Along the way we stopped at McDonald's for breakfast.

It's sad when I can say this was the best part of the trip. Why?

THAT is why. A supreme union of pancake, syrup, and sausage. The McGriddle. It is probably the most effective product produced by an fast-food company.

Considering I get up close to noon, I almost never get them. I thank all that is holy whenever I get one.

After ingesting a blessed breakfast, we continued on. During the ride, I tried to catch up on some sleep.

Key word is tried. No actual headrest meant I didn't have a place to put my head. Well, there was the seatbelt I was using, but that didn't work.

We eventually got there, despite my inability to take a nap. We started going in, and spent about 10-15 minutes being in line. But it was fine, no worries.

We decided to check out the aviary first, and it was nice. I snapped a bunch of pictures, avoided getting pooped on, and everyone still had high spirits.

My baby sister needed a diaper change, but what can you do? We went on to another animal exhibit, an Asian one, I think.

Saw a lot more animals, tried taking more pictures...

By now, the heat was really bearing down. See, Florida is known for a few things.

Disney World.

Old people out of freaking nowhere. And Red Lobster.

Most importantly, the fact the entire state is an oven.

Seriously, here are our seasons for Florida:

Hell on Earth
Fall/Whatever Mother Nature Decides To Randomly Do THIS Time

We went to the zoo at the worst season of the year. In other words, it was hot.

I'm surprised none of the zoo animals die of heat stroke, to be honest.

Eventually, I split up with my family and found refuge in a restaurant that had A/C. Spent about $3 on a drink so I could cool off inside.

...and not look like I was just lounging around because it was hot. Which I was.

I finally got cooled off enough, and went to find everyone. It's on the way there I noticed something:

Zoo's sure can suck.

The things are built for 3 types of people:

* Kids
* Parents of Kids
* Really Old People

The kids can see all the animals they've probably never seen before. They can maybe ride all sorts of rides. The parents can be certain the kids enjoy themselves, and join them, too.

The old people can see all the animals they've forgotten, which they will likely forget by the time they leave.

Anyone else will probably be bored to death.

All those animals? You've seen them before. Maybe not up close, but you've seen them before. For a kid, it's exciting to see them. Everyone else?

Oh, a tiger. Woo.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if they actually did something.

Wait. They walk! Gee, that's fun!

Well, no, because they only walk for 5 seconds before lying down and pretending to be dead again.

Honestly, if the place wasn't a zoo, I woulda thought they were all stuffed. Most of them just sleep.

Normally in a way-out corner, too.

What about the rides? Well, they're built for children.

That means most people over 14 will never want to ride such a thing willingly. The things are literal kiddie rides.

So, tired + hot + bored = me begging to go home.

Mom says we will... after she's done with a few rides for the baby.

I could wait, so it's no problem.

Except, you know, the whole waiting three hours bit.

Yeah, mom was pretty gung-ho about giving the baby a fun day.

I can't really blame her. Just because I was basically very, very cranky didn't mean she should put everything on hold. It was their day, not mine.

Anyways, we finally did get home, but I was in a pretty foul mood. I still couldn't fall asleep, but being home eventually had me mellow out.

I still feel bad for nearly ruining the day for her, though. I think I might have at least spent the day better if it wasn't so hot, though.

Next time someone asks me to go to the zoo, though, I'm getting a damn weather report.

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